Shhhhh, Don't Cry.

There is a good chance I've moved this entire blog game to Tumblr...
And by good chance, I mean great chance.
And by great chance, I mean I've already done it without consulting you.
Come find me here Cool it, Jill And we can continue this little affair of ours.
Only more frequently.

I still love you,
Jill

Kill Bill is better than Holes.

Nick was kind enough to remind me days ago that is was high time for another blog- he also is in favor of my blog being named "Excuses."

...anyways...

I have things to share to make up for my actual LACK of something to interesting to blog about... First and foremost I just finished painting my nails for the six millionth time this week- around three quarters ago Keanan did me the favor of stating "Your nails always look so trashy... it's kind of just a Jill thing now." I don't know how it could have possibly been meant as a compliment but... That's Nan for you. Anyways I put on my best "Bitch, no you didn't" face and have been keeping my nails fully painted since the encounter.

(College has instilled in me the unfortunate habit of measuring all time in quarters. I refer to celebrities by their first names and I measure time in quarters. Caitlin just assured me that people love many things about me and she's sure my quirkiness is one of them.)

SO, back to the atrocious polish story... Kate was getting ready to run some errand and so I called her in and pointed to the picture pulled up on my laptop and said something like, "I love you. You look very pretty today. I love your hair and that color on you- we need trash bags and MAYBE... depending if you actually love me... This nail polish color." She bowed deeply and then backed out of the room continuing with slightly more shallow bows- geisha style- and was gone. No she didn't. But in a perfect world...

Kate returned three hours later and produced a bottle of polish that was not at all the color that she and I had agreed upon... However- as I explained to Caitlin, as we sat in the back of my pickup by the beach watching the sunset and playing Uno- I love presents! I love presents and I respond well to presents no matter what they are or how off the color. So when kate held out the bottle my response was a good one, "That is a completely different color and I can from see the way the light glints off it that it plans to clash with my skin WAY more than I thought was possible! Thank you!" Kate handed me a bag of groceries and said "Well the color is pretty and it's green- it's the closest I could find on short notice." Then we went our separate ways- Me to watch True Blood (shhhhhut up.) and her to... do mother-going-through-nursing-school things.


Back in the safety of my room I side-eyed the polish good and hard and then followed up with an "I got this all day." and proceeded to apply it nervously to my nails- which, for the record, had been a deep space blue with a gold star trek badge painted on my thumb. The blog is a safe place- I feel no fear discussing the extent of my inner nerd. ...outer nerd. nerd. (Currently listening to Mr. Roboto- domo arigato shuffle, for proving my point.)

Anyways the color is... oh, it's like an acid green. The color reminds me of that scene in Holes when the warden shows Mr. Sir the difference between abuse and control and slaps him (abuse.) The Warden, let's call her Sigourney Weaver, has just painted her nails with a red polish- the color of which can only be achieved through the use of rattlesnake poison and Mr. Sir's face puffs up like Budd's in Kill Bill Vol 2. Then Shia Labeouf snatches Sigourney Weaver's eye out and digs a whole where he finds a priceless Hatori Hanzo sword and- i'm getting carried away. Kill Bill is better than Holes. That's the moral of this entire blog. My nails are currently painted the frightening color to the left and i'm pretty sure Holes would have been a better movie if Sigourney Weaver had painted her nails this shade.

You just read almost 700 words dedicated to my nail polish and I'm proud of you...

OH! I have a story from earlier that has to do with when Caitlin and I were watching the sunset in the back of my truck and playing Uno- NEXT TIME! Don't let me forget! That is all!

And Another Thing...

I'm currently tearing apart my cute little blog to try and make it feel more "me."

Everything you see for the next week will probably be subject to change including the name and possibly address of the blog because I think it's about damn time- don't you?

I'm ready for the blog to have a clever name already!



(Me too, Leonard Nimoy, Me too.)

Disney Segues

OKAY! FINE! NEW BLOG! YEESH! So, things that have happened while I’ve been off abandoning you all: Caitlin… moved… ba- have I really been gone for around two months?

Ooooh… I have. I have been gone for two months and three days. Ooooh. Anyways… Back to the list.

Things I’ve been doing while you all were being abandoned:

1) Hanging out with Caitlin!
2) Taking a train trip with Caitlin to Spokane!
3) Spending the weekend with my father and having a crazy awesome meal dedicated to cheese!
4) Being driven from Spokane to Idaho to visit Caitlin’s Ancients and party for the 4th of July Bayview, Idaho Style!
5) Going to Aquafest!

Okay so that seems like a pretty meager gathering of reasons to be ignoring my readers for so long but… I’m baaack! Maybe I’ll just title my blog “Excuses” and then you will know what to expect in every post.

…Moving on…

Hey! Guess what I did! I planted a little garden! It’s true, I did. The garden harbors a whole bunch of herbs… and for a few days it had some Alyssum and Sunflowers and other cute blossoming plants but that all came to a screeching and abrupt halt. “Oh no, Jill!” You say, leaning closer with concern shining in your eyes, “Why did it come to such an unceremonious end?!” Well friends, in my neighborhood there is this group of children run about half dressed and patrol the roads carrying things like… old planks of wood with rusty nails sticking out of them and other such possible murder weapons. It looks like the scary part of Africa. What am I implying here, that they’re all black? Yes. That’s exactly what I’m implying. They mob through my hood screaming and killing and picking flowers. My flowers- and not even, like… in a dainty manner either. They just tear those suckers right out of the ground- partial roots and all! Then they walk three feet and drop the flower and scurry off… probably to bludgeon someone to death- a local dog or something. I’m not happy about it at all. I have tried to stop them from entering my backyard and garden area but they just stop and stare at me. Unmoving. Until I lose my nerve and stumble back inside. Defeated.

Anyways… That was a big chunk of writing with no breaks and I’m proud of you for getting through it. I’m just irritated with these rude street rats! Who are nothing like Aladdin AT ALL.

Let’s use Aladdin to Disney segue our way back to my garden… When I first started planting things I found six billion little animal bones all thrown into shallow little animal graves… it was like an elephant graveyard for rats… see how I did that? We went… Aladdin to Disney to The Lion King… it counts. It totally counts.

So what else is new? Caitlin’s Birthday is on Monday and I’m pretending it’s not until Friday the 13th because I am throwing her a super cool murder mystery party…. Party. For the record “I’m throwing it” actually means that I’m standing on the sidelines wringing my hands and letting it take place in my house… I’m not good at planning things. Actually I’m awesome at planning things- it’s the carrying through part I’m no bueno at- BUT I have a party box and it wont be much harder than that… right?

I actually find myself having much much much more to say (that’s three times as much as usual) and so I feel like I’m going to end it here with the pinky promise to fill you kids in on more later…. In the week?

Hmmm…. Yeah… that’s what I’m going to do…

OH! NO! WAIT! My darling friend Nick just started up a blog and it's called The Old Yellow Chair and will be used to document his travels through France for the next six thousand months. It may be the most adorable thing i've ever seen. I recommend it to all and as soon as I decide to personalize my blog further I'll put up a sweet little link for it!

Now I'm out of here for sure...

Prisencolinensinainciusol

Oooooh I totally haven't posted since February 18th... I feel guilty but I'm back on track! Ish.
So, okay, what's new? I'm going to cover all the messy things first starting with the roommate I promised to dish about last post... Ready? Let's go!

When I mentioned a new roomie I spoke... Super soon. What I should have said is "I'll have a new roommate... one day!" I just did a weird "Aha!" hand motion after I wrote that... I have nothing to say for myself... Another way of looking at this whole 'I don't actually have a new roommate" thing is to say "I do have a roommate- she just... will be living in Lake Stevens!" I feel that seems more right somehow...

Also, you now know the town she will be staying in... Oooooh, done.

In other much more difficult to face news Heroes has been cancelled. Yes, I wrote 'cancelled' with an extra 'L' because it that's how they write it in Europe and I believe it looks more socially acceptable... When it's written with only one "L" then it just looks like that odd cousin who sits alone under a tree at family reunions and eats tufts of grass instead of of catching up with relatives. Just one twist short of a slinky...

And that was 85 words dedicated to the word 'Cancelled."
(I dare you to bring up the difference in American and European grammar regarding where the place the period- before or after quotes. I dare you.)

Anyways- If you are reading this entire post with slight side-eye and noticing that all I actually said about Heroes was that it was cancelled and then rushed to hide my emotions about it in a rant about spelling... That's because I literally can't face the truth about Heroes yet...
It's like staring into the sun.
I need thick thick sunglasses that I can gradually remove to look at it full on when I'm good and ready!

In retrospect staring into the sun is actually a bad thing and I should just... keep my sunglasses on... Don't stare at the sun. Don't even look at it. In fact, if you're as pale as me you should just avoid it all together. OR, if you don't want cancer. Avoid it then as well. Too much? Too much.

No, none of my analogies ever work out.
Yes, I am the strange cousin eating tufts of grass under the tree at family reunions.
Jeeze.

Uhm... what else needs to be covered? I'm considering posting lots of little posts instead of few long ones in the future- however I always lie, so we'll just see wont we?

I am finishing up a film class at school and for those of you who are nodding and saying "Oh that's nice!" in the manner of Shirley from NBC's Community, YOU ARE WRONG.

FILM CLASS IS... Nothing like I expected. A few of you have been around to see me throw small tantrums and fling things across the room during discussions about this class and I again have nothing to say for myself. One of the most rewarding parts of the class is my teacher who never fails to uncap a whiteboard marker and inhale deeply before starting a lecture. College.

Before leaving I would like to point out that I well exceeded my quotation mark allowance for a post. I'm not sorry.

Also...



That is all.
A presto!

#SaveHeroes

Tomorrow is the Heroes season finale and I have been slowly preparing myself all week... Because I know that the moment it's over my affection for Mondays will be sandblasted right out of me. Technically I've been prepared for... well, since September 4th? Anyways... #SaveHeroes trended worldwide on twitter yesterday so maybe we'll get our fifth season after all? It may not sound like it because it's 11:25 on a Sunday but I'm full of excited semi-contained energy! I look something like a dog that knows it's about to go out on a walk... and it's trying to keep still- but it just ends up... shaking? Mmm... yeah, also I just compared myself to a dog... moving right along.
The point is tomorrow is the Heroes season finale, and I'm excited enough to throw up on your shoes. Blammo!

Yeah, it's a slow start to an entry but it's taking me a few minutes to climb back onto the saddle of my horse named Blog. Did that make any sense? Nope.

------------------------------------------------------------------

To make you forget about the fact that I actually wrote everything above the dash line around a week or two ago I offer up a photo:

The bear represents me and the little slice of bread represents Heroes. Seriously.

Moving riiight along... I am going to continue to pretend that I've done nothing wrong by neglecting this blog for around a month, sure, it's wrong of me, but the truth is too horrible to face. I'll pay more attention to you all for a few weeks now and then slowly grow more distant until I've slipped away for another month. What we have here is a bad relationship... but all the same I beseech you not to leave me. Not only are you the love of my life and the only one for me- but you have nothing better to do.

Right? Right.


In the course of this quiet month I dropped the hell out of my nutrition class, and wrote six million essays (with another three on the way,) AND was offered a job pertaining to writing. ALSO I was pressed into applying for the Iowa Writers' Workshop which I will continue to call the "Iowa Writers' Guild" because it earns me a title above my head and a sweet tabard. I have not applied yet because I haven't received the kind of peer pressure I require to get things done.


Okay this blog was only slightly fail but you were so distracted by the bright photos that you didn't even notice. Whew. As I depart I leave you will a photo of my nutrition teacher to help you to better understand why I had to GTFO! Stay tuned for next time when I dish on my new future roommate (not Yoda,) and throw down some more pictures!




I realize this cannot be unseen and apologize...
A più tardi!

Find Your Weapon of Choice.

The horrific state of Haiti had left me rather... melancholy for a while. In the middle of class yesterday Nichole, my super awesome Enduring Cultures teacher, slammed her hands down against her desk and announced that there was no good news in the world. Always looking for the sliver lining, (as is my current hobby) I offered up the new information that the new Star Trek will be out June 29th 2012... But no one found it uplifting.

JUNE 29TH 2012 PEOPLE! C'MON! I literally did a dance of joy outside of the bookstore...

Don't get me wrong, I'm still sad, but I have recently discovered that there may be more pressing issues at stake....

If you were to read up on the current condition of Haiti (here) You would eventually reach the end of the article where the following is stated:

"Others tried to carry dead relatives to nearby hills for impromptu burials, prompting Brazil's military — the biggest continent among U.N. peacekeepers — to warn the practice could lead to an epidemic. It said it is asking authorities to create a new cemetery. The Brazilian military said it also was worried that bodies could be left too long because many Voodoo followers in Haiti do not allow the dead to be touched before all their rituals are concluded."

I have put the most important parts in bold. I know you are all reading this and instinctively reaching for the nearest heavy blunt object because we have been officially warned.


ZOMBIES MAY SOON RISE AMONG US.

That's right kids, whether you prefer to travel alone or in small groups of loved ones, I suggest you immediately sever all emotional ties and stick to your prearranged Zombie attack plan.

Because I am not entirely insensitive I understand that this is a... closely guarded subject and that many a person would read this and shake their head quietly commenting "Too soon Jill, Too soon." BUT NOT YOU ZOMBIE ENTHUSIAST! You understand the depth of this matter and I have faith that by the time the first solemn newscaster (their hands folded to keep their fearful shaking at bay) address the viewers at home to inform them of the breaking new development in Haiti you will be long gone.

I wish you all the best of luck and offer up a sweet Zombie Playlist:

Now I'm Feeling Zombified - Alien Sex Fiend
The Living Dead - Phantom Planet
If You Shoot The Head You Kill The Ghoul - Jeffrey Lewis
Zombie - The Cranberries
In a Heartbeat - 28 Weeks Later OST
They Are the Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh!! - Sufjan Stevens
My Body's A Zombie For You - Dead Man's Bones
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
AM 180 BY GRANDDADDY
Madworld - Gary Jules
Down With The Sickness - Disturbed
Re: Your Brains - Jonathan Coulton